Don't Hate Me

At last, Friday night is here! After a long and heavy week of work, all I want is to go out and have some fun.

I call my girls and we plan what promises to be the best night of the year. A new club has opened, and word is it is amazing. I wear my sexiest dress, a tiny, red piece of fabric that will render more than one guy speechless, and get ready to party.

The time comes and I meet with the girls at my house. They all look gorgeous, but if I must modestly admit, not as gorgeous as I do. We do some final fixes to our almost perfect attires and go out.  We decide to go by cab –we don’t want to risk getting caught driving drunk again.

The cab driver, a nice, little old man is more than glad to have such beauties riding with him. We talk and laugh, and make a party of the yellow car. The old man bids us the warmest farewell as we arrive to our destination. I guess he wishes he could come with us, but hey, party night is not for everyone!

Although it is still early, the place is already full. A long line of people grows ever longer outside the club, which if its outsides do any justice to its insides, it is really an amazing place. We line up and luckily for us the line moves along pretty quickly and we go inside the club in less than an hour.

It is indeed amazing. Breathtaking, I would dare to say. The show of lights, the music, the decoration, the service: everything contributes to make this place the best club of town.

We catch the party mood quickly and began dancing to the funky rhythm. We drink and dance as if the world depends on it, and soon all the woes of my mind begin to disappear.

In the middle of one drink and another, I find myself talking to a stranger: a charming guy with a sexy smile who somehow made his way to our table. He seems nice, at least nice enough for me to dance one piece with him.

His smile isn’t the only thing that is sexy. My, he’s such a beast on the dance floor! We dance and laugh and drink and dance some more.

Without warning he shoots for my lips, and I feel the alcohol building up on my resolve and shoot back. We kiss passionately as we keep moving our bodies to the rhythm. He tells me that he wants to continue the party back in his place. Something tells me that I shouldn’t: last time things went bad. I ended up hurt, and I definitively don’t want that to happen again. But that voice of conscience is soon silenced by the alcohol and his bewitching smile rocking and messing my mind.

I reply with another passionate kiss and we take off to his place. On my way and amid more kisses, which now are a lot more passionate, I somehow text one of my girlfriends and tell her of my sudden escape.

We reach his place and as fast as rabbits we take our clothes off. The lust of the moment makes everything even blurrier. The ecstasy, however, feels quite real. I’m feeling like I’ve never felt before. This man that is holding me so tight completes me in so many levels…

I let myself drown in the sensations that invade and overtake me. The feeling grows more and more intense, until neither of us can take it anymore.

I wake up with the first rays of sunlight, and so does my night partner. Bathed in daylight, things begin to look different. My head hurts intensely, and I begin recalling last night’s events. A deep feeling of guilt is the first one to overcome me. Then, fear. What have I done!?

The guy with the sexy smile stares at me, and I see he’s horrified.  I began to blabber, trying to tell him that I never meant to do that. In a mess of words I tell him that I am sorry. He doesn’t say anything at all and just stares at me. I feel the pressure and slowly begin to cry. First a tear falls off, then as my fear for this ending just like last time grows, more and more fall. I cry and manage to say between sobs “don’t hate me.”

He opens his eyes wide, and I fear he’s getting angrier. I cover my eyes with my hands, fall on my knees and once again say “don’t hate me.” And I say it again, this time as a mere whisper. I keep crying, unable to stop. Is the cause of my tears a fear for my life or a fear of rejection? I cannot say. Maybe it’s both. Probably it is.

I feel a growing void consuming me from my inside and wish he would say something, anything at all.

I hear him walking towards me. I look up with my eyes filled with tears and my heart clenched and I see his still-horrified face.

“Don’t hate me,” I say once again, “for being a man.”

A long silence falls over us, only interrupted from time to time by my weeping. Suddenly he moves my hands towards me. I am paralyzed with fear. But instead of hitting me, he softly places it on top of my head.

“Why should I hate you?” he asks not with anger but with kindness.

At his words I suddenly stop my sobbing. I look at him with confused eyes, and notice that he is smiling warmly at me.

“Why should I hate you,” he says again as he kneels down, “if you have done nothing wrong? Why should I hate you if you have only fall victim to your most precious desires? Why should I hate you if… if I’m just like you?”

Until this moment I had not realized that the man in front of me was another special soul like me, lost in a world not fit for the different and just trying to find a way out.  I realize that he was just as terrified as I of being rejected. Just as me, he is looking for someone who could accept him despite him not being “normal.”

I clear my tears off my eyes and smile at him. He suddenly embraces me, not with the passion of last night, but with the kindness of the morning light. I hold him too as my fears vanish and I, for the first time of my life since I was a little kid, feel safe.

The Caged Princess

Sobs and sniffs echoed across the great room. The chamber, decorated with only the most royal and beautiful ornaments, was witness once again of the princess’ tears. The beautiful young woman cried inconsolably in her bed. Next to her, a handsome man caressed her softly; his eyes filled with as much sadness as the princess’ weeping. His strong heart writhed in pain due to his impotence to aid her. She was the person he cared the most in the entire world, yet he could do naught to stop her pain. Thus, he stayed next to her, knowing it was everything he could do.

The cries finally subdued, and the princess sniffed.

“Are you better, my princess?” asked the young man as he wiped away the tears from her face with a handkerchief.

“I’m sorry,” stammered the girl in the middle of more sniffs. “I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about,” said he gently. “I am the one who should apologize, for I serve you in no way.”

She stretched her hand towards his face and softly stroked his face. “You do more than you give yourself credit for. For it is your company what makes this captivity more bearable.”

She got out of the bed and walked across the room, followed closely by the man. The princess reached a well-decorated balcony. She stared at the immensity that stretched before her eyes, and sighed. It was an impressive sight. The most perfect paradise lay before her: never-ending forests that painted everything life green; playful rivers that splashed here and there, filling the air with the most relaxing tune; stunning mountains and skies that played with the warm light of the setting sun; everything blended together in a flawless display of Nature’s greatest creation.    

On top of the solitary castle, the princess was forever away from such Eden. No matter how much she wished for it, she would never walk freely through the mountains, nor taste any of the wonderful fruits that hanged all across the forest, nor play in the calm waters of the rivers, nor lie in the meadows watching the endless dome of stars that every night painted the sky in multitude of colours. No, for her those were nothing more than dreams that would never come.

At the thought, tears popped from her eyes again. The man embraced her and took her away from the accursed blessing. He wanted to say something, anything at all. But he knew words would not cheer her up. After all, the princess had been trapped in that castle for as far as she could remember, and nothing would erase her desire for freedom. The man well knew she had tried to live under such restriction, but her desire was strong and her patience weak. It had come to the point where she could not withstand it anymore, and crying, while as well useless, at least relieved her weary heart.

“I’m fine,” said she after a while. She wiped away her tears and stared at the man. “Thank you for being here with me.”

He smiled. “You have nothing to thank me for. You know I’d give the world for you.”

“I know you would. I know,” she smiled, but the expression carried not joy but sadness. Despite her attempts to remain strong, yet another tear fell from her eyes. “If only you were real…” whispered the girl.

The man smiled warmly and disappeared into thin air. As she looked around, the royal chamber slowly faded, leaving behind empty, cold and gray walls. The gorgeous balcony slowly disappeared as well; a small window with metal bars now being the only escape to the paradise. Everything began to darken around the princess, but she did not despair. She held the metal bars, lay on the cold wall and once again stared at the Eden. As slumber slowly took her away, the thought of being free took possession of her mind. She thought of the many things she would do if she was to be free, the endless things she would want to try, and mostly, she thought of her being happy.

The caged princess fell asleep with a smile on her lips and tears on her eyes, knowing that freedom waited for her, if only in her dreams.

The Wish

The young queen was lying back against an old tree. Though her eyes were fixed at the dusking sky, they were fixed at nothing. Her mind was lost in a whirling ocean of rushing memories. Little by little the memories took proper form, and without even realizing it she began remembering the first years of her life. A tear crept down her cheek.

Her memories took her to the lonely years of her childhood. Her mother had died giving birth to her and her father was a feared warmonger king who was always on the battlefield, declaring war over the smallest provocation. All the other nobles’ were afraid of her father and had done their best to stay away from him and his castle, and thus she had never been able to enjoy the company of other children. She remembered spending most of her time playing alone with her beautiful dolls, Alicia and Victoria. She, however, did not miss not having friends. For you to miss something, you must have had it before, she thought.

Her memories rushed a few years forward, when she exchanged her dolls for books and weapons. She had learned from her father everything about war. She had thought that maybe, and just maybe, if she proved her worth her father would love her. The king, though, never showed her any sign of affection despite her efforts to please him. She had tried hard day and night to become what her father wanted, yet he had remained emotionless.

With the years, she had learned to be as ruthless and cold as her father. It was, however, just a mask. A mask she had expected it would hide her emotions from her impassive father. She didn’t know at that time how much that mask would become attached to her.

It was on a rainy day that she realized it. She was standing amidst countless bodies. Next to her lay the king, his body as cold as the thousand others that were scattered all across the field. A massive wound on the chest had taken the fearful king’s life. It was ironic, she thought, that all of her life she had tried to get from him any sign of love at all, yet now that she was standing next to her dead body, she could feel nothing. In the end, the mask she had devised had become her true identity.

She became queen shortly after that incident despite her young age and the disapproval of the other nobles. In order to raise some respect from them, she followed her warmonger father’s steps and kept on waging war on neighbor countries. Her tactical genius and combat prowess lead her and her armies to countless victories.

It was then when she first knew what it was like to be loved. Thanks to her numerous conquests and the wealth they brought, her people praised and loved her. The other nobles would respect her and treat her as nice as they’d never done before. Whenever she went she would be acclaimed. Her name was forged into the most beautiful songs and tales.

The young queen thought for a moment she was happy.

She smiled ironically at that memory. If only I’d known better.

Her memories rushed forward once again, this time to darker times. Her impeccable victory record was soon broken. The queen’s army fought with an enemy from the north too tenacious and too large to be beaten. What once started as minor defeats turned quickly into the decimation of her armies. The defeated queen and the remaining troops returned home, where word of her battles had already arrived.

Instead of meeting with a supportive realm, her people scorned her. The contempt of her people was a low blow to her already diminished moral. The young queen realized the hard way that the so-called love her subjects had professed her in the past was a fake.

The memories of the queen rushed yet again forward to a few hours ago. Her memories, although fresh, were blurry by everything that had happened. She remembered walking aimlessly around the royal gardens while trying to devise a strategy that would defeat the northern enemy. She had had a rough day in court, facing derision and disdain from the other nobles; all she desired was to get away from the castle and back to the only place she felt comfortable in: the battlefield.

An old man clad in silver armour appeared, followed by four well-armed soldiers. The bald old man was the captain of the royal guard, one of the few persons she trusted. A trust ill-placed, she thought as soon as she realized the motives of the man: A Coup.

Her memories became even blurrier. She recalled vaguely the soldiers trying to arrest her and she escaping from the garden after killing in one swift, hazy movement one of them. On her way out she had stricken down mercilessly at least a dozen soldiers and the old captain of her guard who had tried to stop her as she had gone into the forest that stretched just next to the castle.

Her memories became clearer as she was recalling blundering through the thick woods. She had seen an old elm bathing in the most delicious sunlight in the middle of a small hill. She had stumbled her way to the tree and had lied back against it. A warm feeling that had grown on her chest made her fall into a slumbering stupor.

It was only the rushing memories that had started her journey through her life the one who made her regain consciousness. And with it, pain came as well.

The queen took her hand to her chest and realized the warm feeling that had made her drowsy was caused by a deep wound. Although she didn’t know how, she was sure it had been the old captain the one who had delivered the fatal blow.

She stared at her blood-stained hand and began to laugh maniacally. Then, the laughter turned into sadness as she exchanged laughs for tears and weeps. And so she cried, until she felt her numb body going cold.

Once again the memories of her life rushed through her mind and she felt empty. Although she had had almost everything since the moment she was born, she realized she was missing the most important thing in the world.

All of her life she had been alone. She had never known the meaning of friendship or true love. Her experiences with her father and her people had taught her that such feelings were nothing more than a fantasy, a fairy tale, a sign of weakness.

Yet, for someone reason beyond her understanding, she longed for them. Now that the end seemed near, she desired for someone to be with her. Someone she could hold on to and fight the fear that was creeping on her heart. Someone she could have relied on during the rough moments of her life. Someone she could have laughed with. Someone she could have loved.  

She mustered her remaining strengths and spoke, as loud as her fainting voice would allow her. “I wish I wouldn’t be dying alone…” 

As the sun disappeared behind the horizon, so did her life vanished from her body; her dying wish echoing still strongly on her fading mind. 

The Promise

The little knight rushed up the steep mountain. He ran as fast as his little legs could take him. Undergrowth and weeds covered rock and stone, and his progress was everything but easy. He suddenly stumbled and fell on his knees. He rolled down quite a bit, and ended up on his belly. His knees and elbows burned intensely. He suppressed a tear and a cry, stood up and kept running. He knew his time was short and he couldn't waste any in unnecessary whining.

And so he kept on, running up the slope until the grassy mountain gave way to a dark forest, home to his darkest nightmares.

He stopped cold on his track. He had always feared the dark forest. However, this was not the time for being afraid, and he knew it. He gulped and without giving it more head, he rushed in with his eyes closed.

In his blind urgency he crashed head on with a big trunk. He rubbed his newly-obtained hump and realized it was foolish to move that way. Thus, he decided to drop the hurry and the blindness altogether and move more carefully through the shadowy dungeon.

He walked fast but with care, looking fearfully around him. Behind each of the large shadows cast by the trees he saw danger; behind every sound a monster. He remained brave, nonetheless, regardless of his growing impulse to run away from that hellish place. For the sake of his mission, he could not falter. He had to remain strong. And so he kept on, despite the fear on his heart and the pain on his body.

The true extend of his bravery would soon be put to test.

The abrupt sight of a monstrous figure stopped the little knight. A large, black creature stood defiant in front of him. Its red eyes stared at him intently and its head moved threateningly back and forth.

The little knight shivered in fear as he stepped back. The impulse to flee grew ever stronger and he tried to give a second step back. However, his body would not answer to him. Both the terror and his drive to complete his mission paralysed him. Yes, he was terrified. But there was also someone who was waiting for him. Someone he didn't care entering the dark forest for. Someone who was well worth the pain he was enduring. Someone he could fight a monster for. A monster like the one that was blocking his path.

He knelt down, grabbed a sharp rock and threw it with all the might his little arms could provide. As heroic as his act was, he missed. That heroic action was all he needed, though.

The monster opened his yellow beak and let out a piercing shriek before vanishing in a cloud of black feathers and flapping sounds.

The little knight, who had fallen on his back as the monster shrieked, got back on his feet and smiled with so much joy. He had defeated a monster! And all by himself! He jumped once or twice in celebration before remembering the urgency of his mission.

Armed with his strengthened valour, the little knight went on his way, deeper into the forest. He looked around and suddenly found it to be less threatening than just a moment ago. He smiled once again and picked up his pace.

It was not long before he reached at last his destination: a clearing in the middle of the forest. In the centre of it and bathed in the warmest morning light, there was a garden of the most beautiful blue flowers the little knight had ever seen. Just in the centre of the florid garden, a single rock rose sharply from the ground. Twice the height of the little knight, the rock proved to be a new challenge for him. 

Having defeated a monster already, and having climbed the large structure back at the school’s playground, the little knight felt no fear. He approached the large stone and looked up. He caught glimpse of his target and smiled. The little knight grabbed a small rock from the ground, put it away on his pocked and began climbing the solitary mountain. At first, he had no problem whatsoever. This changed rapidly as soon as he reached half its height. The sharp sides of the rock prevented his advance.

He would not give up, though. He tried once and once again from different sides. In the end, he managed to climb it, ripping his shirt in the process. Like a real action hero, he thought.

On the top of the rock there was a little blue gem, which was shining lively under the morning light. With the small rock he had grabbed earlier, the little knight pounded the gem fiercely and repeatedly until a large chunk of it fell off. He grabbed it; it was indeed beautiful.

He yelled victoriously and began his descent. In his joy, he was careless and slipped. The world spun around him and the ground grew closer dangerously fast. Just when his adventure seemed to be over for him, or so he was thinking, his fall was luckily stopped by his shorts tangling in a pointy salient of the great rock. He hung head down for a few seconds before his shorts gave in and he continued his fall. As he was just inches away from the floor, he didn't hurt himself any further.

His heart was racing as he lay panting on the floor. He recovered after a short moment, looked back at the impressive mountain that had both endangered and saved his life in a split of a moment, and kept on his way.

He realized he was running late and sped up through the dark forest. It, however, didn’t seem so dark or perilous as before. He crossed it in a matter of minutes and began descending the grassy mountain. As he descended, he noticed it didn't seem so much like a mountain but a hill. A short hill covered in green grass. The mild slope wasn't as terrifying as he remembered, or nearly as challenging. His descent was easy.

Ten minutes later the little knight was on solid ground and fast on his way back home.

He knew he was late, and he hoped with all of his heart for there to be still some time left. He rushed through the streets, dodging persons, dogs and cars alike. Though he was exhausted, he did not stop even once to catch breath.

Finally he reached home. The little knight was so exhausted that he had to take a deep breath or two before finding out that he had made it on time. But just barely.

A large truck with a running engine was parked in front of the house next to his. A man, a woman and a little princess were standing next to it, as if waiting for something. The man was looking at his watch and the woman was trying to talk sense into the little princess, who was crying inconsolably.

The princess turned around and saw her knight. As if by magic, her cries stopped and she darted off to meet him.

The little knight made one last effort and ran to meet her too. As they met the little girl hugged him strongly and began crying once again.

“I thought you wouldn't arrive on time,” she managed to say in her sobbing.

The little knight was still catching his breath and couldn't reply. Instead, he smiled warmly at her and petted her gently on the head. He produced the chunk of blue gem from his pocked and handed it over to her. She received it as she cleaned her tears with her long dress: a big smile had replaced the tears.

“I promise you I will find you,” said the boy at last. “It doesn't matter how long it takes, I will find you, my princess!”

“I promise you that too, my knight!” replied the little princess. She then hugged him once again, kissed him on the cheek and ran back to her parents, who were calling for her. She got in a car, which promptly left, leaving the little knight behind.

“I will find you,” muttered the knight, a boy no older than six, to himself as he saw the car with the girl of his dreams disappearing in the distance.

Twenty years later, that little knight, now an accomplished man, was suddenly overflowed by the memories of the day he made that promise. Vivid as if they had happened yesterday, the man could not help but to shed a single tear of joy.

For twenty long years he had searched for her. For twenty long years he had dreamt about her. For twenty long years he had kept close to his heart the promise he made her. And now that she stood right before him he just couldn't believe it.

Though her face had changed, he still recognized the little girl of his dreams in the beautiful woman that was standing in front of him, dazzled just as he was. The man also recognized in the pendant the woman wore the blue gem he had gifted her.

A strong feeling of accomplishment entered his body, and he felt once again as that little boy that conquered on that day twenty years ago so many challenges. He felt like the triumphant little knight that defeated the black monster of the dark forest and climbed the tall peak where the magic blue stone was. He felt like the little knight that once promised to his little princess that he would find her, no matter what.

He approached the beautiful woman, smiled wide with exuberant joy, and said “ I've found you.”

The beautiful woman, the princess of his imaginary adventures as a kid, returned the smile. “You found me, my knight. You found me.”

The two laughed childishly and took off talking about the precious memories and unsung adventures they had lived together;

The knight and the princess were finally reunited, and the promise that served as the invisible yet unbreakable bond between the two of them in the long years of separation was finally fulfilled. 

A Longed Meeting

The single door of the small coffee house let a young woman in. From the first moment she stepped in, she drew more than a few stares from the few customers and staff: Her foreign looks and uncommon beauty usually had that effect. Already being used to that, she ignored the gazes and looked with expectant eyes around, as if searching for something or someone. Having not found it, she sighed, both in disappointment and relief, and walked in. She noticed the eyes that had been placed upon her had turned away and she smiled for herself. Although used to draw attention wherever she went, she preferred to keep a low profile.

Her nonchalant expression belied the nervousness and excitement that had taken hold of her. She had waited long for this moment, and now that it drew so close it was hard to remain calm. Nevertheless, she managed to keep her cool as she walked towards a free table.

She sat down and waited. She had arrived early, as it was usual for her. The young woman gave a quick glance at her watch. Only ten minutes separated her from the moment she had longed for so long, and her anxiety ever increased.

She looked at the other tables and at the different persons that filled the small coffee place that afternoon. Though small, the coffee did not look cramped at all. A single waiter attended the customers, moving back and forth while taking orders, serving coffee, and doing everything else that was needed to keep the place running smoothly as it could.

She glanced once more at her watch: Five minutes. She took out her cell phone, toyed with it for a mere moment, and put it away almost immediately.

The waiter approached to her after a few seconds and asked her for her order. She replied with a sweet but not weak voice that she was waiting for someone, and that she would like to wait a bit longer. Though her foreign accent was quite notorious, her English was otherwise perfect.

The waiter smiled, nodded, and left to attend other customers. She watched him for a while and pondered about his labour and how hard it should be.

Her trivial thoughts were interrupted when the door of the coffee house opened. She raised her head eagerly, but turned it down almost as fast when she saw an old couple coming in. She looked away, almost as if she was mad with herself for being so eager, and looked back again at the door almost instinctively.

For a moment, her heart seemed to stop. There, next to the old couple, a young man was standing and looking around, just as she had done so ten minutes ago. She stood up and their eyes met. Both of them smiled, and the young man walked towards her. Nervousness in her increased even more, but so did an exuberant feeling of joy. For years she had dreamed with this same moment, but despite her immense imagination, such illusions were no match to that very moment.

The young man approached the table, still bearing the awkward smile. They both stayed still, waiting for the other to say or do something. But the nervousness in both of them was great, and thus the smiles remained to be the sole communication between them.

“Hey you,” he finally said.

She, unable to say anything at all yet, moved closer to him and hugged him. The young man was caught by surprise by such gesture, but finally returned the hug. A few tears dropped from her eyes as she replied: “hey you.”

Though hard and seemingly endless, their long wait had finally concluded. Years of letters, long distance calls and midnight chats had at last ended. Neither of them knew for sure what was to come, but in that moment it didn't matter: they were now together.

A short, introductory post

I've been writing for some time now, yet I've rarely shown my works to the public. So I thought it would be a good idea to let others read what I write. Because, what's the point of writing for yourself? Stories are meant to be told, not hoarded.

So here it is, my new blog. Opinions, feedbacks, commentaries and the like are openly welcome. After all, they will help me growing and maturing as a writer.

Hope you enjoy reading my short stories as much as I enjoyed writing them.